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4.2 Stop, Think, and Cool Off!

Items Needed: 

 

Set the Stage: 

Explain that the class will be learning strategies for handling strong feelings.

Discuss the three different ways people resolve conflict and the animals that represent them—the Turtle, Shark, and Owl.

  • The Conflict Avoider is like a turtle avoiding the problem.
  • The Conflict Controller is more like a shark, acting aggressively and confronting others.
  • The Solution Finder is like a wise owl trying to find a solution.

Discuss the owl’s approach to resolving conflict called Step It Up.

Display the Step It Up Poster.

Stop, Think, and Cool Off.

Talk It Out.

Evaluate the Possible Solutions.

Pick a Realistic Solution.

Step It Up helps you take control of your emotions, talk and listen respectfully, and identify solutions to conflict.

Share that the focus of today’s activity is the first step: Stop, Think, and Cool Off!

In a conflict, the first thing we must do is stop and think about how we are feeling.

What are some feelings we experience when we have a conflict with someone?

  • We can be angry, frustrated, anxious, scared, sad, disappointed.

Do you think different people always feel the same when faced with the same conflict?

  • Probably not. If Mary wasn’t invited to her friend’s birthday party, she could be disappointed. But if that happened to Jane, she might be angry.

Not only do we have different feelings, but the strength of our feelings can be different too.

Introduce the Feelings Thermometer Poster and explain how it is used to rate feelings.

The Feelings Thermometer Poster helps us rate the strength of our feelings, with 1 indicating a mild feeling and 5 meaning a very strong feeling.

  • If your friend took your last piece of gum without asking, you might be feeling a 1 or 2—just a little bit angry.
  • But if you were really angry and ready to explode, those feelings would be a 4 or 5.
  • When our feelings are really strong, we are too angry, frustrated or upset to resolve the conflict calmly. It’s not a good idea to discuss the situation yet.
  • Levels 1 or 2 on the Feelings Thermometer mean we are calm enough to talk.

 

Activity: 

Let’s practice rating our feelings so we’ll know if we’re ready to talk about a conflict.

Have students think of a conflict that occurs at school and write down how they would feel and the level of that feeling.

  • Conflicts can include someone making fun of your new haircut, a classmate laughing when you answer a question incorrectly, or your friends not inviting you to play.
  • With your conflict in mind, look at the Feelings Thermometer Poster and write on a sheet of paper how you would feel in this situation, and the number showing your feeling level.

Instruct students to hold up their answer (or tape the sheets to their shirts), walk around, and count how many students have the same feeling level.

Discuss the experience with the class.

  • Did everyone have the same feelings about the conflict?
  • Did everyone rate their feelings at the same level?
  • Did you notice how different people react different ways to the same situation?

Explain to the class that our bodies react whenever we have strong feelings over a conflict. These are feelings we would rate a 3, 4, or 5.

Think of a time when you felt mad. What were the anger signs in your body?

  • My heart beat faster, face turned red, fists balled up, eyebrows furrowed, arms crossed.

What would happen in your body if you were scared? Excited? Sad?

  • If I was scared, I’d have sweaty palms, butterflies, a fight-or-flight feeling.
  • If I was excited, I’d be energized, have changes in my heartbeat, have a rise in my blood pressure.
  • If I was sad, my eyes would tear up; I’d feel like running and hiding from the conflict.

 

Discuss strategies for cooling off to a 1 or 2 when our feelings are really strong and our bodies are charged up.

One way to cool off is to learn how to relax. Think about a time when you felt really angry, sad, scared, or worried. What did you do to feel better and relax?

  • I talked to a friend, played a sport, went for a walk, read a book, counted to 10.

There are many strategies to help us feel better when we have strong feelings. It’s helpful to learn and practice different ones because the strategy that works best for one person may not work best for another.

Ask the class what works for them and allow a conversation for others to learn new cooling-off skills.