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4.3 Talk It Out and Clear It Up

Items Needed: 

 

Set the Stage: 

Briefly discuss the first step in the Step It Up process for resolving conflict: Stop, Think, and Cool Off.

Refer to the Step It Up Poster.

  • STOP: Identity what emotions you are having about a conflict.
  • THINK: Rate the strength of those emotions from 1 to 5 using the Feelings Thermometer. (Refer to the Feelings Thermometer Poster.)
  • COOL OFF: If the feelings are 3 or above, try a Relaxation Strategy to bring them down to a 1 or 2.

 

Focus on the second step in Step It Up: Talk It Out.

To resolve conflict, we also need to pay attention to how we share our own feelings. Why is this important?

  • We could say things we don’t mean if we’re angry; we might place all the blame on the other person.

 

A Put-Down Statement is one way to share your feelings and perspectives when involved in a conflict.

Who knows what a Put-Down is?

  • It’s when I blame someone, make fun of someone, try to embarrass someone, say something that makes him or her feel bad.

Another way to share feelings during a conflict is with Clear-It-Up Statements.

Clear-It-Up Statements are calm like an owl and avoid blaming the other person. They focus on our own feelings and how we want to resolve the problem.

Effective Clear-It-Up Statements have two parts:

  • Feeling Statements make it clear how we are feeling.
  • Request Statements express what we would like to happen in the future—meaning we make a request.

 

Activity: 

Students work together to replace Put-Down Statements with more respectful Clear-It-Up Statements.

Instruct the class to create small groups using the Talk It Out Scenario Cards.

Randomly distribute one Talk It Out Scenario Card to each student.

Tell students each card has a number and they should find others with the same number to form a group of about three.

 

Distribute a Talk It Out Worksheet to each group.

Explain that each Talk It Out Scenario Card has a conflict scenario, a Put-Down Statement, or blank space for a Clear-It-Up Statement.

Each group will read the scenario and Put-Down Statement then work together to come up with a Clear-It-Up Statement to replace the Put-Down.

  • If two groups are working on the same scenario, you can compare their approaches.

 

Point out the Feelings Thermometer on the bottom half of the worksheet.

Ask each student to think of his or her scenario and fill in the worksheet.

  • How would you feel if the Put-Down Statement on your card was said to you? What about the Clear-It-Up Statement?

Walk around the room and provide assistance as necessary.

Have students share out their responses to the class.